I would like to distinguish between the church people and the organization. I tend to view church as the organization.
Church as the organization wants my attendance, but not my voice. I feel as though I am “not allowed” to challenge decisions (for example: Should we sing a song about us crowning God? Do we need to go into debt to add seating to the sanctuary?). Jesus’s disciples constantly challenged Him and He took on the challenge -sometimes warmly and other times with harsh rebuke. That is the kind of leadership I long for.
On the other hand, a lot of my closest friends are in the church and we have difficult conversations. I feel respected, safe and needed in the context of those friendships as we know where each other stand, build each other up and work through disagreement.
I am torn, my church organization feels fake and the friendships with feel real.

For the record, not just men have this issue. I don’t like going to church. I feel like my time would be better spent reading Scripture myself. I feel as though the sermons are topical and directed at new believers. At this point in my walk, I’m looking for someone to teach me how to unpack some of the deeper truths of the Scripture. Maybe I need to take a Theology class. That still doesn’t make me want to go to church. So, what is the purpose of church? What is it supposed to be? What am I supposed to contribute to it? If the Church is the Body and we’re all important members, how can I give? It feels like the church complains that we are consumers, but then (as a previous poster said) they don’t value what I have to give.
Right now, I’m walking in faith, because I believe God has told our family that we’re supposed to be at this church. Most Sundays, I’m not sure why. My husband is trying to nurture friendships with the men there, and for that I’m deeply grateful. But, those friendships are most likely to grow outside the church. So, we take one day at a time, trusting that God will glorify Himself in our obedience.

I feel that our Father has called us to more. More than sitting in a pew. As men WE are to be the leaders, warriors, Knights . Going out to bring men in . To defend the gospel , to lead our families. Sitting to feel good sermons does not cut it for me. Let alone the passive music.
Christ is power and we need His power to inspire us, to fill us , to send us out no matter the cost.
It’s all about Christ and his Kingdom. Not churchianity. We as men need to go and make desciples of all men. Not sit soak and sour.

I wouldn’t say that I “hate” going to church, but I do find it to be pretty “blah”. And to Jason’s comment – I really get tired of the pastors telling me that I should be kingdom-building, but not working to help me “fix me”. Did you ever think that maybe men would be more effective and fired up for kingdom building if they could get a little help along the way first? So yes, I need some “fixing” please. Somebody please help me to get fixed. And then maybe I’ll be able to do some kingdom-building. But as it is right now, I’m metaphorically lying on a stretcher in the ER, wounded, bleeding, and tired, needing an IV and some help, and the pastors and Jason can only walk by and tell me to go do some kingdom-building. Hell, I can’t lift my head to breath, and all you can do is to tell me that I ain’t doing enough kingdom building.

Yep, been a while now since attending church. Feels good not to sit my behind in a pew on sunday counting down the minutes until it all ends, wondering what the point is.

I go with my wife to an liturgical church with strong expository preaching. The liturgy and the sermons are great, but I would rather not be there. My relationship with the congregation is pretty shallow. My friends are not among the church people, but with a men’s breakfast fellowship and our small study group of men and women. At church there seems to be little interest in my challenges as a businessman. The arrogance of the clergy is tiresome. I long for joyful, exhuberant, awe-inspiring worship of our sovereign, powerful, awesome God.

Seen through the local church, Jesus no longer seems the strong, captivating leader that had hundreds following him, and men willing to die for him. Where has the Jesus of the gospels gone? He seems to have been buried under reams of dusty theology, and taken apart bit by bit in the demand for correct doctrine. Many men in Australia give the impression they are embarrassed by him. He is fine for mothers and kids, but the only guys who seem to survive in church are ‘mamas boys’, sweet and polite, waiting for the ladies to stop talking before they can go home. Is Jesus capable of attracting robust, risk taking men any more? Or are they exactly the kind of men the church doesn’t want?

I guess to add on to my comments, that when I freely admit that I do not like going to church, the looks I get are puzzled and/or jealous because I am able to admit it. I have yet to hear someone come up with a solid set of reasons as to why a person would want to attend. Really, I feel very free being able to admit my feelings. The thing is, most “non churched” people can completely understand (even though my beliefs are open to them), its the “Christian churched people” who have trouble with it….

Seriously, I’ve got a good life. But some difficulties too. Got some wounds and scars from church that have never fully healed. Lost a couple of jobs. Started a business, then lost it. And now I spend way too much time at a job that is uninspiring (but I’m thankful to have it). Never really had the help that I need in many regards. Never really had a mentor. Struggle with sin and depression and boredom. Not real bad, but still bad enough to slow me down and hold me back. Now, if someone were to care enough to come along and give me a little help, how is that not kingdom-building? And if I could get a little help, maybe I could do more. But no, to hear most of the Pastors tell it today, the work to be down is “out there”. Or it’s “over there” (foreign missions). Sure, those things are important, but what about the “edification of the church” that the Bible speaks about? Now on the other hand, if I were to just stop going to church all together and pretend that I was never a believer and was to get on dope or something, then maybe I could get some help.

I am he exactly – I hate going but am duty bound because I have an underlying belief in the church. Most of the men who talk like this in Australia are what I call “fringees” – outcasts, men who swagger and hang out on the fringes of the church. The deacons and elders you speak of will not admit they hate it, even though I see them yawning and sleeping. They are core church men who come as you say because its strangely comforting for them – a bit like breast feeding – they like it and they fall asleep doing it – but they don’t know why they do it – they just do it. The underlying dissatisfaction I feel is partly quality as you say David but mostly it is ritual – doing the same thing over and over without seeing results. Churches where the ritual of meeting on Sunday and playing along in the pantomime and then going home back to our real lives is not for fringee’s. They want to see action and results – show me a man who wants to waste his time over and over for years on end with little result and I will show you a selfish core church man who comes only to satisfy gynecological needs. Its horrible to watch.

Bryan… there are people out here who CAN and WILL help. Brothers in Christ who have gone through exactly what you have and have experienced God’s miraculous healing and “fixing.” I am one of those whom He rescued from a hot mess of my own making, but I was only able to do it with the help of ALOT of people, most of which were NOT pastors or elders, etc. I want to help you; I just have to find a way to contact you.

Great article here, fits me to a T. I used to lead music in my service, but after stepping aside from that because I felt I was being hypocritical leading music in a service I didn’t believe in, I feel that there is no reason for me to go to a Sunday morning service. There is no point in me going for others either, there is no scope to build relationships. Thursday night in the pub with my Christian mates is better church for me, the blokes in my church are outstanding, they are great to know and partner in ministry

I am willing to be in your life, Bryan. I have no interest in making you a project. I simply have a heart to be your brother and help if I can. Contact me at madcan at juno period com if you’d like to start communicating. Rick

“Can I love God and not go to Church?” You might as well ask “Can I love football (golf, baseball, etc) and not go to a match?” Were still at the beginning of Creation, when Adam blamed Eve – men blame-shift! It’s no good blaming others, when the fault is in ourselves. It’s not what other people are doing/not doing, it’s what WE do/not do. You cannot get out more than you put in. The Sunday worship meeting isn’t where we get “fixed”- it’s the communal act of worship that we should be led to WANT to attend, because we are going to join with others to meet with God as His church, the body of Christ here on earth. Our formation/fellowship must happen in the remaining 167 hours of the week, where we should meet with the other weak/needy/sinful creatures that we call men. If your church doesn’t have this tradition, perhaps God is calling YOU to start one, not someone else. Church doesn’t exist for the individual Christian, but to serve the surrounding culture and help transform it. But we must be transformed first, else we cannot do anything. And God is the great transformer.

I committed myself to do a thorough study of the New Testament Church. Apart from reading the scriptures and studying the Greek, I read over 40 books on the subject. It took me two years and at the end of it, I came to the conclusion that what is known as the church today is not even close. Almost everything that is done is not found in scripture.

That includes “a pastor” running the church; expensive buildings; worship services led by professional Christians; paid staff; preaching and teaching done by a select few; youth pastors; most of its money spent on itself; 50 different churches in one town; denominations; bringing someone in from outside to run the church; pastors having the best seats and parking lot; ignoring the priesthood of all believers; ignoring the gifts of the Spirit; ignoring the “each one has” ministry; tithing; meeting on Sunday; dressing up for meetings; having fellowship with the back of people’s heads; women running churches; women running churches with their husbands; passive spectators in meetings and so on and so on.

In the New Testament Church the men were at front and centre. They were the Elders (leaders); they were at the centre of ministry; they were at the centre of the headship of their family; they were expected to be men and examples; they didn’t need any religious qualifications to share the ministry; they were active in healing and deliverance ministry; they mentored and discipled others; the building of the church (people) was their responsibility; they looked after the orphans and widows and so on and so on.

I firmly believe that inbuilt in the character of the christian man is the spiritual longing for what happened in the New Testament Church. That is why God made it like it was. He created the DNA of man so he formed the church to activate the DNA he had invested in.

The church today, generally speaking and there are exceptions, especially in third world countries, has built its own church in man’s image and aspirations, where man is in control not God. The end result is that it has killed off the spiritual authority in the DNA of men.

If a man cannot be creative, involved, being who he is meant to be he will be bored and disconnected. It is no use saying you have to hang in there as men do not see the point of flogging a dead horse.

Because of the fact that we are so far from being the church, there needs to be a lot of soul searching and radical change. Unless that happens we are condemned to suffer our own stupidity and continue to lose ground with men as nothing works unless the foundation is right.

And it seems that we have yet to learn that Jesus builds his church, not ours.

Yep, this is me. I love Jesus with all my heart, but hate going to church. I’ve gone to so many churches over the years, and rarely have I felt connected or have made meaningful relationships. And don’t go into the “you need to join a small group” lecture. Most churches force you into a dull bible study with people you have nothing in common with.

“Doing the church thing” (as I call it on Sunday) seems fruitless. You go. You sit in an audience for most part. You sing a song or two. Maybe you hear a good message. Maybe you say “hi” to a few people here and then. And then you go home. Snoooooze. If that’s the “spirituality” the church has to offer, than I’ll pass.

Sometimes it bothers me that I’m not going to church, but I’ve put it in God’s hands. He understands. I have peace about it. Thanks for writing this article!