At Church for Men, we often receive e-mails like this one:
Hello, we’re moving to __________(name of new city) and we’d like to find a church that understands men. Can you recommend one?
Someday, Church for Men will put into place a certification and training process. Sort of a “Good man-keeping” seal of approval. You’ll be able to enter your Zip Code into a web page and “voila!” You’ll have a list of man-friendly churches at your fingertips.
In the meantime, you’ll have to do a little more legwork. But it’s not hard to find a man-friendly church – if you know what you’re looking for. Here are the twelve marks of a man-friendly church, based on the latest research.
Before we begin, please note: there are many different kinds of men. No single model of church will appeal to them all. But you’re more likely to find enthusiastic men in churches that conform to the following twelve characteristics:
1. Men prefer large churches
The larger a church becomes, the smaller its gender gap. Churches that draw thousands on a weekend are the most likely to approach gender balance. Meanwhile, the statistically average church of fifty to one hundred is the size most likely to experience a shortage of men.
Large churches have many advantages. Probably foremost is quality. Most are led by gifted pastors who are compelling speakers. The music is polished. The facilities and grounds are well-kept and impressive. Men can invite their friends without fear of embarrassment, confident that the service will proceed with professionalism and good taste. Men are less likely to leave a large church thinking, Well, that was cheesy. What a waste of my time.
Women often dislike the impersonal feel of a large church, but men may see anonymity as a benefit. A guy can attend a large church for months or years without ever feeling hounded to become more involved. Once a man decides to dive in, large churches offer a smorgasbord of opportunities, many of which are specifically geared toward males.
Big churches speak the language of productivity, goals, and growth. They’re known for launching large projects and bold initiatives that capture the male imagination. Large congregations are often innovative. And they’re usually in a building campaign, which is another area where men engage.
2. Men prefer nondenominational churches
For decades, nondenominational churches have grown, while name-brand churches have shrunk—both liberal and conservative. Theories abound as to why this is happening, but there’s little doubt about who’s leading this exodus: men. The National Congregations Study of 1998 found that denominational churches were much more likely than nondenominational ones to report a significant gender gap.
3. Men prefer strict adherence to scripture
I’ve heard it said that men have an instinctive BS detector. Men want proof. They’re natural skeptics. They not only want to know what to believe, but why to believe it.
Women, on the other hand, tend to adopt a broader palette of beliefs. For example, women—even those who go to church—are more likely to read their horoscopes than men. In my experience, a woman is less likely to see things as black-and-white. She’s often more forgiving of a church whose theology goes squishy. It just doesn’t seem to bother her as much as it does her husband.
I’m not saying every woman is a crystal-gazing heretic in the making, nor is every man a potential Pharisee. Perhaps there’s a simpler way of putting this: men tend to put rules first, whereas women tend to put relationships first. The great debates that have rocked the mainline denominations reflect this dichotomy: conservatives (led by men) believe rules come first; liberals (led by women) believe relationships do.
Churches that attract men have a bottom line: the Bible. Multiple studies have shown that churches that hold their members to scriptural standards (particularly in areas of personal morality) tend to grow faster than those that don’t. The National Congregations Study found self-described liberal churches were 14 percent more likely to have a man shortage than conservative ones.
4. Men gravitate toward a young, multiracial crowd
A study from Hartford Seminary finds a statistical correlation between a younger crowd, the presence of men, and church growth. Meanwhile, an abundance of members over the age of sixty and a surplus of women is associated with decline.
The same study found a strong correlation between a racially diverse crowd and church growth. It’s not enough to preach racial diversity from the pulpit; the people in the seats must represent many tribes, tongues, and nations.
5. Men prefer churches that are themselves young
Recently founded churches do better drawing males. The National Congregations Study found that churches in existence less than thirty years are measurably more effective at reaching men.
Anecdotal evidence suggests that church plants do quite well with men. Newfound churches are desperate to grow, so boldness, strategic planning and external focus are part of the culture. These needs jibe with men’s interests and gifts.
And new forms of church are enjoying some success rounding up guys. One example: Cowboy churches are popping up all over the United States. Worshipers meet in barns, sit on bales of hay, sing country songs, and enjoy a simple sermon targeted at working men and women. Some cowboy churches have lassoed lots of men—running 50 percent male (or better) on a typical Sunday.
6. Men look for energized men
When you walk into a church, look around at the guys. Do they look like they want to be there? Or are they just fulfilling an obligation? If the men seem to have been dragged to church by wives and girlfriends, forget it. Find another church.
Enthusiastic men bring vigor to worship. Plus you get a snowball effect: guys start inviting their friends, who show up to see what the excitement is about. They get engaged and transmit their fervor to the next group of men.
7. Look for a man in the pulpit
If you’re looking for a church your man might like, improve your odds by choosing one with a male senior pastor. Churches with a female senior pastor are 20 percent more likely to experience a lack of men in the pews. Why is this so? Men follow men. A pastor who projects a healthy masculinity will be a magnet to males.
8. Men seek a pastor who is astonishing and authoritative
At the conclusion of the Sermon on the Mount, eyewitnesses said this of Christ: “The people were astonished at His teaching, for He taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.” (Matt. 7:28–29) If you want a pastor who teaches like Jesus, find one who’s both astonishing and authoritative.
As a man, I love being astonished in church. I light up when a message challenges me to think—or better yet, to take action. An authoritative teacher is one who is resolute and consistent in his beliefs. He tells it like it is, even if someone is offended. Nothing disappoints me more than a sermon that does not challenge. Even worse is a message composed of familiar, comforting religious jargon.
9. Men like “come as you are” churches
For years, getting dressed up has been foundational to the churchgoing experience. When I was a child, no one would dream of entering God’s house unless clothed in his Sunday best.
Tell me: which gender enjoys getting dressed up more, men or women? Which spends more on clothing, diets, and cosmetics? Which is more likely to subscribe to fashion and glamour magazines and keep up with the latest fashion trends?
Throughout human history, looking good has been a characteristically female preoccupation. Male vanity certainly exists, but guys like me do well to find their comb, toothbrush, and a clean T-shirt every morning.
The pressure to look good has contributed to the church’s reputation as a feminine enterprise. It has made the churchgoing experience tougher on guys, because guys don’t like playing dress-up.
Fortunately, this is changing. Churches that reach men today allow their members to dress informally. Some pastors are even dropping the ministerial robe, collar, coat, and tie in favor of more casual attire.
More surprising still is a quiet revolution taking place in a few African-American churches, where being dressed for church has been as much a part of the religious experience as preaching and prayer. One black church in St. Louis changed its policy to come as you are, and soon its male attendance tripled. Don’t let a dress code become an artificial barrier between men and God.
10. Men like modern technology
Men and women appreciate technology for different reasons. Women usually like technology for what it does, but men think technology is cool in and of itself.
Some friends of ours had just finished an extensive kitchen remodel, so they invited several couples over for dinner. The men were unimpressed by the lovely tile, patina light fixtures, and decorative filigrees. However, we were transfixed by the microwave. It had a mechanical louver that operated with the touch of a button. None of the men understood what the louver did, but each of us took a turn pressing the button that made it move.
Churches that reach men (particularly young men) do so with modern technology. They use slides and video during the worship service. They invest in a professional, easy-to-use Web site. Some churches distribute restaurant-style pagers to parents in case they need to be summoned during the sermon.
Of course, some folks dislike technology in church. The new wave in worship, known as vintage worship or emerging worship, drives technology into the background, employing acoustic instruments, candles, and iconography to help worshipers connect with the ancient divine. But even emerging worship uses much more technology than a traditional congregation; it’s just kept under wraps.
The lesson is clear: churches that deploy modern technology will have an easier time engaging men, because men think technology is cool.
11. It’s gotta be fun
Why does the upcoming generation of men expect to have fun at church? Blame Phil Vischer.
Vischer is a computer animator who had a dream: a series of values-based videos—starring vegetables. He started Big Idea Productions in 1993 with “one computer, little capital and no connections.” Eight years later, Vischer’s VeggieTales had sold more than twenty million videos, making them one of the most popular children’s video series in the world. They quickly became a staple in church nurseries and Sunday school classes.
VeggieTales had an unexpected side effect: these little videos made it OK to laugh in church. Now a generation has grown up with the expectation that church can—and should—contain an element of fun.
Gulp.
Let me be clear: a church service needn’t be frivolous, nor should it be focused on entertaining the audience. But a little humor really helps men drop their guard. A Hartford seminary study found that a reverent worship climate was associated with church decline (and a lack of men). So might we assume that a slightly irreverent climate actually helps men connect with God? This squares with men’s taste for parody and self-deprecating humor. A funny skit, video clip, or a pastor who pokes fun at himself will score big points with men.
12. The mission must be clearly articulated
When legendary football coach Vince Lombardi joined the Green Bay Packers, he found a team that had finished the previous season dead last, with one win, one tie, and ten losses. On the first day of training camp, Lombardi walked into the locker room and held a football high above his head. The coach stared at his men and then said something completely unexpected: “Gentlemen, this is a football.”
He continued by explaining the basics of how the game is played, won, and lost. The coach concluded his remarks by reminding the players why the Green Bay Packers existed: to win football games.
Why would Lombardi review Football 101 with a team of professionals? These men knew what a pigskin was. They knew what winning and losing was. They knew where the end zone was (even though they hadn’t visited it much in the previous season).
Lombardi knew the importance of articulating a vision. He made sure every man in that locker room knew what his team would be shooting for. His lesson delivered a handsome return. During Lombardi’s nine seasons at Green Bay, the Packers won five world championships. The Super Bowl trophy bears his name.
Men love churches that make the mission clear. They focus on the basics. This is what our church is about. Here is our mission. Here’s how you can become a part of what God is doing in our congregation.
But this is rare. Few churches have a unique mission. Most are focused on dozens of different goals. According to Barna Research, fewer than 10 percent of pastors in the US can articulate the vision toward which their congregation is moving.
So men come to church, but no one ever tells them why they are there. Men sit on those cushioned pews and ask themselves man-type questions: What are we trying to accomplish? Is all this activity really achieving anything? How do we know if we’re winning?
But when a church’s vision is clear, men invest themselves wholeheartedly. Why do you think purpose driven churches are doing so well? Men need purpose, and a church that clearly articulates a mission will be a magnet to men.
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So is this the secret? Just find a church with these man-friendly characteristics and you won’t be able to keep men away?
Of course not. It all depends on God. If the Holy Spirit is at work the pastor can preach in a pink tutu and men will come. But the research is clear: the more a church aligns with these characteristics, the more likely you are to find fervent men in its pews (or more likely, in its stackable chairs). Practical considerations like these—in concert with God’s Spirit—make a church more attractive to men.
