Baptism is Christianity’s most physical sacrament. It’s a whole-body reminder that our old self has died with Christ, and that a new creation has been born. (I Cor. 5:17).
I’ve been thinking of ways to enhance this experience for men, while staying true to scripture. And I’ve got an idea. I call it tap-out baptism, and it allows the candidate to play a more active role. Here’s how it would work.
The minister stands in the water with the candidate, and says all the usual words. Up to this point, nothing is different from a traditional immersion baptism. But then the minister places a hand on the top of the candidate’s head and pushes him straight down into the water as the candidate bends his knees. The minister holds the candidate underwater for as long as the candidate wants to remain submerged. When the candidate “taps out” minister releases his hold and the candidate comes shooting out of the water, to the cheers of those assembled.
Now, before you dismiss this as a crackpot idea, hear me out.
A couple of years ago, my church, out of convenience, began supplying the congregation with prefilled communion cups with a wafer attached to the top. I’m not much of a traditionalist; however, these sterile elements really bothered me. I struggled to know why. The bread and cup are just symbols, so quality shouldn’t matter, should it?
I studied the scriptures and a little church history, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the quality of the communion elements matters a great deal – especially in Protestant churches. Using the right elements will greatly enhance the communion experience for men.
As I travel the country, nothing I say creates more controversy than this: men would benefit from shorter, simpler sermons. In my Go for the Guys Sunday Action Plan, I advocate a one-point sermon, ten minutes in length, built around an object lesson.
People are freaking out over this. I get comments like:
David, you have a low regard for men’s intelligence.
Short sermons “dumb down” the gospel.
With Biblical illiteracy such a problem, we need more teaching, not less.
We don’t need shorter sermons; we need better ones.
My pastor is so interesting I wouldn’t mind if his sermons were longer.
The apostle Paul preached for hours, and many were saved.
For years the Salvation Army in the Southern California division held an annual men’s retreat weekend. We followed a traditional script: men getting together for “fellowship” with sessions on “How to be a happy Christian husband for your happy Christian wife in your happy Christian home.” These were valuable sessions with good speakers, but attendance at the camps was dwindling every year. It became so bad that the church was ready to discontinue the men’s retreats.
The Chief of Police in Bangkok, Thailand has discovered the ultimate punishment for wayward officers: they must wear a pink armband emblazoned with “Hello Kitty,” a cutesy favorite of under-10 girls.
Other punishments have not deterred tardiness, double parking and littering among officers, but acting chief Pongpat Chayaphan believes the armbands will do the trick. “After this policy came out, the police are scared,” he said. “It will be very embarrassing to walk around with Hello Kitty on your arm.”
What’s so bad about a pink armband? This seemingly benign corrective strikes a double-whammy at the heart of manhood. Every man fears being perceived as feminine (pink) and childish (hello Kitty).
Sadly, churchgoing has become a pink armband for many men. It’s a sign of weakness, childishness and femininity.
A recently released study seems to have blown a hole in one of the central premises of my book: that women are more verbal than men, which makes gals more comfortable in our wordy churches.
The study, published in Science found that men and women spoke virtually the same number of words during the course of a typical day. Researchers studied college students by placing an electronic recorder in their pockets. The device took a 30-second sample of conversation every 12.5 minutes.
At the end of the day researchers added up the words spoken, multiplied by 25 and had their answer: women outtalked men, but only by a little bit: 16,215 words per day vs. 15,669. The study also found women tended to talk about people and relationships, while men discussed concrete objects.
So this the final word on the subject? I suspect not, for several reasons.
Have you heard about this church that’s building itself on a military metaphor? It’s led by a general, not a bishop. Their clergy are not referred to as pastors, priests or vicars – instead it’s captain, major, colonel and commander. Officers go through seven years of training and are barred from earning outside income. This church even tells officers whom they can and cannot marry.
Membership requirements are rigorous. When you join this church, you are referred to as a soldier. You must sign a declaration of faith and practice known as Articles of War, and you are required to give volunteer service to the church. You’re required to abstain from all tobacco, illegal drugs and alcohol. The organization’s magazine is called War Cry!
Sounds like some weird cult, doesn’t it? So what’s the name of this unusual church?
The Islamic Center of America in Detroit is the largest mosque in the U.S. Photo by Anne B. Hood.
One evening I was speaking to a group in upstate New York. I posed the rhetorical question, “Why do men flock to Islam, while avoiding Christianity?” I didn’t expect an answer, but one woman blurted out, “If Christianity required women to walk behind their husbands and wear burquas, then we’d have a church full of men.”
So is that why Islam is the world’s fastest growing religion? Must a religion oppress women to attract men? Why do men flock to Islam, while avoiding Christianity? I posed this question to David DeMeo, professor of Middle Eastern and Arabic studies at Harvard. I sum up his response this way: Islam is a religion that delivers results for men. Too often, Christianity does not.
If your church has a lot of men, it’s probably growing, according to a study from Hartford Seminary. Meanwhile, a surplus of women makes growth much less likely.
The study, reported in the Christian Science Monitor, finds congregations that draw more men than women are three times as likely to be growing as female-dominated churches.
The study also found that a reverent worship environment was associated with church decline, while a somewhat irreverent climate led to growth. This dovetails with men’s tastes: males are the biggest consumers of humorous movies and TV shows, which often poke fun at traditions.
Multi-racial congregations and those that offer a “joyful” worship climate featuring drums are also likely to grow. The study confirmed four other growth factors experts have long known, including:
Location in a fast-growing suburb
Lots of young adults
Conservative theology; evangelical bent
Willingness to change
To read the article in the Christian Science Monitor, click here.
To download the study from Hartford Seminary, click here.
Baptism is Christianity’s most physical sacrament. It’s a whole-body reminder that our old self has died with Christ, and that a new creation has been born. (I Cor. 5:17).
